start with... kindness

In March we celebrate women around the world with IWD and in the UK with Mothers Day. March is when my thoughts are always with my Mum, Betty Hall.  She was born on March 20th and died too soon on March 19th 2003. She was the most influential woman in my life, and I’d like to take a moment to celebrate her. 

Betty was born to a poor working class couple who separated when she was 5. She found herself unwanted by both parents, whilst they fought over custody of her younger sister. Despite this, my Mum was devoted to her own Mother whom she saw daily. She also won over her paternal grandmother, who had begrudgingly taken her in. Betty’s infinite capacity for love and compassion was inspiring. It was the gift she shared with everyone. Including me. 

When I spoke about this at her funeral, you could feel the recognition of everyone in the room . Betty had a generosity of spirit that shone out and everyone she met experienced it. I miss it. 

Betty taught me to be kind and to give others the benefit of the doubt. This wasn’t a didactic lesson in behaviour. I learnt by watching her with others, standing by her in the kitchen every Christmas as she made endless batches of mince pies and mini Christmas cakes for lonely relatives and neighbours, and through her infinite patience with me as a very troubled teenager. I strive to continue her legacy of love and compassion. I do my best to be kind. 

Through tragic circumstances this year #bekind has gained a lot of traction. Rightly so. Every day my heart lifts at the stories of brilliant individuals who are trail-blazing in their mission to support mental fitness, eradicate prejudice of all kinds or create a more caring society. In his TedX talk last month, Dr Julian Abel spoke articulately of the Compassion Project in Frome, Somerset. Set up by two GP’s, a caring community network is improving the lives of so many people. What’s more it’s working in surprising ways. The data shows that A& E admissions in Frome have gone down since the Compassion Project began. Social relationships and a sense of community are major factors in our physiological and mental health .  

Covid 19 and the pressure of a volatile and uncertain world may challenge us all this year, and urge us to pull down our shutters and only look out for ourselves. Let’s not do that. Let’s not lose our ability to have compassion.  

One my my clients has this quote from Plato on his office wall: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” 

Why not try one or two random acts of kindness. They can have a huge impact. I should know. I experienced hundreds of them from my Mum.